In the victim’s blog, ang medium.com/@isaiahlustre, he always wrote of emptiness, restlessness sadness and confusion as to what to do about it.
Here are the excerpts from his blog from June 27 to September of last year:
“…i always end up thinking, you ask what?, pretty much about everything, what i do, what i should do, what i shouldnt, it doesn’t feel wrong, but it also doesn’t feel right, a little bit of both maybe
“…there’s this feeling that keeps coming back, cant explain it, its heavy from time to time, confusion maybe?
“…i wonder what it is, I cant seem to fill it or satisfy it.”
Isaiah then hinted desperation for someone to understand him:
“…itd be a miracle to find anyone in the same hole with me, maybe thats what I need? Someone to lean on?”
September up to December, 2016 when Isaiah started writing about his admiration with a guy for a very long time, calling him his unrequited love. It was only in 2017 that they started to date when he confessed his feelings for him. Two months after that, they broke up. Isaiah wrote:
“Thank you, so much, I never really thought about it that for four years I tried to force something unto you that you didn’t want, until one day you agreed, even if it was just a month, im really happy I got a chance to spend and make memories that will last forever, memories that I shall cherish and hope you will too.”
Based on his blog posts, this was the time that he became very much depressed, to the point that he wanted to kill himself.
On June 26, he wrote:
“Ive tried to kill myself, once, with a shard of glass in hand I tried to cut deep on my arms but to no avail, now that I look back to it now, what difference would it make.
“When you die in this world people may hold a funeral for you, maybe a few people will cry, and leave some sad for days, weeks, months, years, then what?
“They all move on with their lives, why?
“Because there is no use in being sad, there is no use crying for something that is already gone, because it wont change a god damn thing.”
July 28, he again posted about the guy he loved and always love:
“I’ve tried to be the best version of myself for people around me, tried to please them and tried to impress, ive become someone so focused on a person of interest and made him my world, committed to someone that did not ask anything from me from the beginning.”
“To love is to feel pain, to feel pain is to be human, only the insane equate pain and suffering with success, but insanity was never an enemy of mine, I’ve stabbed my own heart in hopes for a saviour, he came, but when his job was done, he left, and I’m back in the mist of my false hopes, dreams and fantasies, I pretend, I act, I lie, I wound, like a caged animal.”
October 13 was supposed to be Isaiah’s 17th birthday.